Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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