This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
