Tell her she can't have a vagina
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize