I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
