I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
