i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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