hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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