i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
