and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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