We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
