Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
