You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
