i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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