I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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