And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
