My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
