she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize