Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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