That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
