so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
