She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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