I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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