You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
