I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
