There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize