nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
