I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
