I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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