So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And then he peed in my hair
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