just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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