i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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