eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
