We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just threw up on my dentist
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
