So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
