i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
