I think I am morally bankrupt
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize