he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
