i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
