I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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