Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
