Swine flu is the new snow day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
