do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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