If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
