you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
