I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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