does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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