shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
