Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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