White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
