yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
