She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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