im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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