We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
