I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
