I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
