Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
