Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
