Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
