she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
