I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize