What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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