I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
