Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
