Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
