dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
