How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
