I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
