Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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