I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
