it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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