Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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