i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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