Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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