i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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