In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
