babies were throwing up all over the place
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
