my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
