don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
