It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
