fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
