shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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