she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sober January is a disaster.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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