Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
