I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
