Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
