The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
