So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
