yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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