his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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