I'm eating all of the evidence.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize