Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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