shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
